January 24, 2017

Abhishek Bachchan ready to play Satnam Singh in a biopic - if Satnam wins an NBA championship

The following statements are the truth:

- Abhishek Bachchan is an Indian actor, star of Bollywood hits like Dhoom, Dostana, Bunty Aur Babli, Guru, and Sarkar, and the son of India's most-respected actor ever, Amitabh Bachchan.

- Satnam Singh was the first Indian basketball player to be drafted into the NBA in 2015 and plays for the D-League team Texas Legends. His extraordinary story from poor Punjabi village of Ballo Ke to the NBA Draft was captured in the recent documentary One in a Billion.

- Bachchan is apparently a huge NBA fan, specifically of the Lakers, and has had interactions with the Laker great Magic Johnson. He was the first (and only) Indian to ever take part in the NBA All Star Celebrity Game in 2015, displaying his exceptionally limited basketball skills. He was also the brand ambassador of India's NBA Store and has often professed his hopes to help basketball grow in India.

- A few days ago, Satnam Singh said that, if a biopic was made of his life, Indian actors Akshay Kumar and Abhishek Bachchan would be "best suited" for the role.

- On Monday, Bachchan responded to the story on Twitter by saying that he would do the biopic - for free, too - if Satnam can win an NBA championship.

- Bachchan is 6-foot-2 and 40-year-old. Satnam is 7-foot-1 and 21-years-old. Satnam knows how to play basketball. Bachchan knows how to act.

- Satnam has yet to play an NBA game. Although he is never going to be an NBA star, there is still a possibility that the big guy gets signed on to a fringe role by an NBA team. Satnam's chances of winning an NBA championship would depend highly on a perfect situation of playing for a team that both has the space/requirement for a big guy of his skillset and the talent to beat the top contenders in the league for the title. Think DJ Mbenga from the 2009-2010 back-to-back champion Lakers' squads.

The following statements are the 'alternative facts':

- The Golden State Warriors will sign Satnam as a backup, where he immediately becomes 'The Splash Singh'. Satnam will join a roster that already includes Stephen Curry, Kevin Durant, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Andre Iguodala. He would be the umpteenth big man option behind Green, Zaza Pachulia, JaVale McGee, David West, Anderson Varejao, Kevin Looney, James McAdoo, and Damian Jones.

- In the 2017 NBA Finals - round three between the Cavaliers and the Warriors - Golden State would lose Draymond Green after another accidental kung-fu reflex moment, Zaza to the Georgian parliament, McGee after he Shaqted-a-Fool one too many times, Varejao and David West to old age, and Looney, McAdoo and Damian Jones to foul trouble. In this moment of desperation, they would call upon The Behemoth of Ballo Ke, The Punjabi Premier of the Paint, to save the day in Game 7. In seven invaluable minutes of action, Satnam would set up important screens for open jumpers for Curry, Durant, and Thompson, outrebound Tristan Thompson, deny LeBron easy access to the basket, and pick up six quick fouls to destroy Cleveland's comeback momentum.

- Warriors will win the 2017 NBA Title and Satnam Singh will get his championship ring.

- In 2020, when Abhishek Bachchan is in his mid-40s, he will requires the help of India's finest computer graphic designers to make him a foot taller and 30-years younger. He will play Satnam from age 15-25 in India's greatest sporting biopic film of all time.

- 'King Singh: The Sikh With Da Sickness' will break all the box office records, win Bachchan all the Filmfare Awards, and become India's choice for Oscars' 'Best Foreign Language film', obviously winning that award, too.

- The film's popularity will make basketball one of the most popular sports in India and earn Satnam an honorary place as 'Basketball Ambassador' in the Hall of Fame.

- Satnam will eventually co-star in a travel show alongside Stephen Curry called 'The Curry-wallahs: Basketball and Butter Chicken from Ballo Ke to the Bay Area'.

Thank you for your time.

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